When You're Through With Your Cat, You

My Dream In Life Is To Write The One Gag That Makes Everyone In The World Laugh.

Life Is Like A Hot Bath. It Feels Good While You're In It, But The Longer You Stay, The More Wrinkled You Get.

I Was Very Happy And Honored To Create The Professor Garfield Foundation With Ball State To Make Reading Fun.

You'd Have To Go A Long Way To Find Someone Who Was More Proud And Grateful For What Our Veterans Have Done For All Of Us.

The Understatement Is The English Contribution To Comedy.