When People Say England, They Sometimes Mean

People On The Continent Either Tell You The Truth Or Lie; In England They Hardly Ever Lie, But They Would Not Dream Of Telling You The Truth.

Rich People (in Australia) Have Swimming Pools In Their Gardens But, At Least, They Do Swim In Them.

Nobody Uses His Car In New York, Because So Many People Use It That Traffic Is Congested And Unbearably Slow.

English Humor Resembles The Loch Ness Monster In That Both Are Famous But There Is A Strong Suspicion That Neither Exists.

A Criminal May Improve And Become A Decent Member Of Society. A Foreigner Cannot Improve. Once A Foreigner, Always A Foreigner. There Is No Way Out For Him.