When I Wake Up In The Morning,

I Asked My Girlfriend, 'will You Marry Me?' She Said, 'we'll Have To Ask My Father.' So We Had A Seance And Jack Ruby Says, 'hello!'

I'm From Downer's Grove, Illinois. We Had A Blackout There The Other Day, But Fortunately The Police Made Him Get Back Into His Car Before He Got Too Far.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

My Girlfriend Told Me That She Was Seeing Another Man. I Told Her To Rub Her Eyes.

Some Mornings, It's Just Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps.