When Humor Goes, There Goes Civilization.

If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits?

The Art Of Never Making A Mistake Is Crucial To Motherhood. To Be Effective And To Gain The Respect She Needs To Function, A Mother Must Have Her Children Believe She Has Never Engaged In Sex, Never Made A Bad Decision, Never Caused Her Own Mother A Moment's Anxiety, And Was Never A Child.

I Love My Mother For All The Times She Said Absolutely Nothing.... Thinking Back On It All, It Must Have Been The Most Difficult Part Of Mothering She Ever Had To Do: Knowing The Outcome, Yet Feeling She Had No Right To Keep Me From Charting My Own Path. I Thank Her For All Her Virtues, But Mostly For Never Once Having Said, "i Told You So.

Parenting Is A Negative Thing. Keep Your Children From Killing Themselves, Or Anyone Else, And Hope For The Best.

If God Had Meant Us To Walk Around Naked, He Would Never Have Invented The Wicker Chair.