We Picked The Red Sox Because They

New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter Said That He Is Open To Letting Transgender People Serve In The Military. He Said There's No Reason To Prevent People From Being Generals Just Because Of Their Privates.

During A Speech On Sunday, President Obama Said To The Crowd, 'we've Got To Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.' This Went On For An Hour Until Someone Finally Fixed His Teleprompter.

Japan And South Korea Are On High Alert After North Korea Successfully Launched A Long-range Rocket. Both Countries Are Surprised By North Korea's Successful Launch, But Definitely Not As Surprised As North Korea.

Ben Carson Actually Lost A Tooth. Which Explains Why He Said That Under His Leadership, Americans Would Be Entitled To 'life, Liberty, And The Purthuit Of Happineth.'

The Department Of Agriculture Announced That It Will Ban Six New Strains Of E. Coli. Which Explains Why The Hot Dog Vendor Outside My Building Is Now Just Selling Napkins.