We Need More People Speaking Out. This

John Kerry Is Finding Out That It Is No Fun To Be The Front Runner, That's When You Get All The Heat. He Had To Deny Internet Rumors This Week That He Had Botox Treatments. The Republicans Say Kerry Should Have A Clear, Unfurrowed Brow The Old Fashioned Way By Not Giving A Sh--.

If Anybody Is So Mad At Vladimir Putin, You Know What They Could Do? They Could Advocate For A Gas Tax. He Gets All His Leverage From Selling Gas And Oil. If We Had A Gas Tax That Made That Less Palatable, He Would Be Less Of A Player On The World Stage.

Don't Get So Tolerant That You Tolerate Intolerance.

But I've Often Said That If I Had – I Have Two Dogs – If I Had Two Retarded Children, I'd Be A Hero. And Yet The Dogs, Which Are Pretty Much The Same Thing. What? They're Sweet. They're Loving. They're Kind, But They Don't Mentally Advance At All. Dogs Are Like Retarded Children.

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.