It's All Been Satirized For Your Protection.

The Drug War Is An Addiction, Really.

I'm Okay With It Now That Obama’s In Office. I'm Kind Of Trusting Of Him. But President Ted Cruz? Where This Is Going Would Bother Me.

But I've Often Said That If I Had – I Have Two Dogs – If I Had Two Retarded Children, I'd Be A Hero. And Yet The Dogs, Which Are Pretty Much The Same Thing. What? They're Sweet. They're Loving. They're Kind, But They Don't Mentally Advance At All. Dogs Are Like Retarded Children.

Do You Think It's Possible That When We're On Something Like Marijuana Or Mushrooms And We Believe We're Having A Really Spiritual Experience That We're Just High?

John Kerry Made A Joke About Bush Being A Moron, And Now Bush Wants Morons To Think It Was A Joke Was About The Troops. ... Now, John Kerry Has Apologized. He Said He Made A Botched Joke And Admitted That He Has A Joking Problem. He Has Checked Into An Improv Group And Revealed That As A Child, He Was Molested By A Clown.