Try To Live In A Place You

I'm A Big Fan Of The Mars Bar Diet. You Don't Eat The Mars Bar, You Stick It Up Your Arse And Let A Rottweiler Chase You Home.

Chic Murray Once Told Me He Fell In The Street, And A Woman Said To Him, "did You Fall?" He Said, "no, I'm Tryin' To Break A Bar Of Chocolate In My Back Pocket."

I Think Comedy Is Difficult, And I'm Amazed So Many People Want To Do It. I'll Be Buying Jeans And Somebody Will Say, "i'm A Comedian" - The Guy Selling You The Jeans. The Desire To Be A Comedian Is Weird. I Found It Weird Myself To Want To Be One; I Was A Schoolboy When I Wanted To Be One But I Didn't Know How To Do It. That Was 50 Years Ago, So Times Have Changed Greatly. There Seems To Be A Long Line Of People Desperate To Do It And Most Of Them Are Quite Good.

I?m Much Bigger In Britain Than I Am There. I'm Well-known, But My Name's That Guy In America. . . . People Shout: "hey ? I Know You! You're That Guy.".

A Fart Is Just Your Arse Applauding.