True Love Is When You're Cheating On

You Can't Teach An Old Hater New Truths.

Video Games Don't Make People Go Nuts. I Played Super Mario Forever. Not Once Hopping On A Turtle Or Smash My Head Through A Brick Ceiling.

The Problem With Dating A Model Is They Won't Go Out With You If Your Cars Color Doesn't Match Their Outfit.

I Want To Be Able To Challenge Myself. And Do Things That Are Away From What I Usually Do. Stand-up Is Safe For Me. I Can Do Stand-up In Front Of Twenty-five Thousand People, And I'm Like, "i Know How To Do This. This Is What I Do." I Want To Be A Little Scared.

If You Lie To A Person At Least Tell Someone Else You've Lied To The Truth. It Balances Out Your Karma.