Tragedy Is When I Cut My Finger.

Tragedy Is When I Cut My Finger. Comedy Is When You Fall Into An Open Sewer And Die.

Feeling Different, Feeling Alienated, Feeling Persecuted, Feeling That The Only Way To Deal With The World Is To Laugh - Because If You Don't Laugh You're Going To Cry And Never Stop Crying - That's Probably What's Responsible For The Jews Having Developed Such A Great Sense Of Humor. The People Who Had The Greatest Reason To Weep, Learned More Than Anyone Else How To Laugh.

My Liveliness Is Based On An Incredible Fear Of Death. In Order To Keep Death At Bay, I Do A Lot Of "yah! Yah! Yah!" And Death Says, "all Right. He's Too Noisy And Busy. I'll Wait For Someone Who's Sitting Quietly, Half Asleep."

I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

He Who Hesitates Is Poor.