This Shirt Is "dry-clean Only"... Which Means

One Time I Was Forced To Go To The Doctors Because Of A Sports Accident. Herpes.

I Wrote A Letter To My Dad - I Wrote, "i Really Enjoy Being Here," But I Accidentally Wrote Rarely Instead Of Really. But I Still Wanted To Use It, So I Wrote, "i Rarely Drive Steamboats, Dad - There's A Lot Of Stuff You Don't Know About Me. Quit Trying To Act Like I'm A Steamboat Operator." This Letter Took A Harsh Turn Right Away.

At My Hotel Room, My Friend Came Over And Asked To Use The Phone. I Said Certainly. He Said Do I Need To Dial 9 I Say Yeah. Especially If It's In The Number. You Can Try Four And Five Back To Back Real Quick.

I’d Like To See A Forklift Lift A Crate Of Forks. It’d Be So Damn Literal! You Are Using That Machine To It’s Exact Purpose!

I'm Gonna Fix That Last Joke By Taking Out All The Words And Adding New Ones.