They Told Us To Buy Duct Tape

As A Comedian, I Think We All Look For Those Areas Where The Truth Diverts From What People Are Saying. That's Why Politics Is Such A Rich Area For Us, Because Politicians Make Promises, And They Don't Keep Them, And When We Point Out The Difference, We Get The Laugh.

A Flu Shot Is The Worst Thing You Can Do.

The Democrats Are Very Bad At Selling Their Own Product. The Republicans Are Geniuses At It. And I've Said It Before, A Bad Product Well Apologized For Is Superior In This Country To A Good Product.

They're Talking About Banning Cigarette Smoking Now In Any Place That's Used By Ten Or More People In A Week, Which, I Guess, Means That Madonna Can't Even Smoke In Bed.

Well, That's Exactly The Wrong Attitude. That Is Not The Attitude They Had In World War Ii. You're Attitude Is That Freedom Means You Can Do Whatever You Want Whenever You Want It. And That Sacrifice Is Somehow Un-american. [...] But The Idea That We Should Also Be Defensive About Our Flaws And Our Weaknesses And Our Vulnerabilities Is Ridiculous.