There's No Such Thing As Soy Milk.

It's A Shame Cars Don't Run On Cognitive Dissonance.

When They Played, It Wasn't Music. It Was The Sound Of Chaos. I Knew It Was The Sound Of Chaos Because You Could Hear Pigs Being Slaughtered. Women Were Weeping And Men Were Gnashing Their Teeth, And There Were Sounds So Horrible That I Cannot Repeat Them To You, Or You Would Flee From This Room In Horror!

I'm Not A Great Joke Writer, Which Is Odd For A Comic To Say, But I'm Not.

Elected Officials Shouldn’t Get To Choose Who Gets To Choose Elected Officials.

Self-love Is A Big Part Of Golf.