If Somebody Tries To Tell Me The

I Do Not Make Jokes About Sarah Palin Simply Because I Could Not Live In This World If I Believed She Was A Real Person.

You Don't Want Another Enron? Here's Your Law: If A Company, Can't Explain, In One Sentence, What It Does... It's Illegal.

Can Somebody Explain To Me Why Pepsi And Coke Advertise? Are We Missing Something? Seriously, Everyone In This Room Has Drank Enough Pepsi And Coke In Their Lifetime They Could Piss It For A Week.

I Never Write Anything Down. I Write Onstage.

All The Candy Corn That Was Ever Made Was Made In 1911.