There's An Army Story In Me, And

When I Was A Little Kid, If Somebody Said They Were Thirty-five, I'd Say "oooh, They're Going To Die Soon". But As I Get Older It Doesn't Mean A Thing. You Mustn't Ever Give In. Never Give In To Thinking You're Old, Because You're Never Old. Your Mind, And I Tell You This And Listen To Me Carefully, Your Mind Is Never, Ever Old, It's Eternally Young.

Writing Is Simply One Thought After Another Dying Upon The One Before.

The Thing Is To Be Brave And Move The Audience With You, Instead Of Cater To The Lowest Common Denominator, You Know, Slipping On A Banana Peel And Falling On Your Ass. You Got To Move The Audience A Little Further Ahead In Terms Of Their Appreciation Of What Is Comedy. It's Complicated.

When I'm Writing A Script, I Don't Worry About Plot As Much As I Do About People. I Get To Know The Main Characters - What They Need, What They Want, What They Should Do. That's What Gets The Story Going. You Can't Just Have Action, You've Got To Find Out What The Characters Want. And Then They Must Grow, They Must Go Somewhere.

Comedy Is Serious - Deadly Serious. Never, Never Try To Be Funny! The Actors Must Be Serious. Only The Situation Must Be Absurd. Funny Is In The Writing, Not In The Performing. If The Situation Isn't Absurd, No Amount Of Joke Will Help.