There's Always An Adjective Before My Name,

I Was Just Reading About The New Lindsay Lohan Diet, Which Is All Liquid. 80 Proof.

My Love Life Is Like A Piece Of Swiss Cheese; Most Of It's Missing, And What's There Stinks.

If You Don't Want Gays In The Military, Make The Uniforms Ugly.

Learn What Not To Expect. Irish Catholic They Get Sh**** Little Rings. Irish Women Get Crappy Rings. Baptist Get The Worst Because They Get The Rings Under Water. When It Comes Up, It's Garbage. Jewish, Big Rings. Episcopalian Big Rings. Italians-the Best, Because They Get Them Off Of Dead People, And Second Wives Get The Biggest Rings Of All.

I Can't Wear Yellow Anymore. It's Too Matchy-matchy With My Catheter.