The Nice Thing About Southerners Is The

Kings And Queens Might Do Wicked Things, But They Don't Nag. One Thing I Like About Bloody Mary: She Never Said A Word About Lung Cancer.

To Me, Elitism Means A Love Of Excellence And Superiority, But America Has Declared War On Both And Developed A Sick Love Of The Lowest Common Denominator To Make Sure No-one Becomes Too Fine For Our Touted Democracy. We Are Almost At The Point Of Regarding Every Virtue As Elitist.

The Feminization Of America Has Made Emotions Sacrosanct While Condemning As Cold And Unfeeling Rigorous Concepts Such As Duty Andhonor. Propelled By Incessant Hosannas To Woman's "finer" This And "softer" That, We Make Emotional Decisions Instead Of Ethical Ones And Then Congratulate Ourselves For Having "heart.

Owning Your Own Home Is America's Unique Recipe For Avoiding Revolution And Promoting Pseudo-equality At The Same Time.

The Confidence And Security Of A People Can Be Measured By Their Attitude Toward Laxatives. At The High Noon Of The British Sun, Soldiers In Far-flung Outposts Of The Empire Doctored Themselves With "a Spoonful O' Gunpowder In A Cuppa 'ot Tea." Purveyors And Users Of Harsh Laxatives Were Not Afraid Of Being Thought Mean And Unfriendly Just Because Their Laxatives Were. But In America, The Need To Be Nice Is So Consuming That Nobody Would Dare Take A Laxative That Makes You Run Up The Stairs Two At A Time, Pushing Others Aside And Yelling, "get Out Of The Way!