The Last Man That Makes A Joke

Th' Newspaper Does Ivrything F'r Us. It Runs Th' Polis Foorce An' Th' Banks, Commands Th' Milishy, Controls Th' Ligislachure, Baptizes Th' Young, Marries Th' Foolish, Comforts Th' Afflicted, Afflicts Th' Comfortable, Buries Th' Dead An' Roasts Thim Aftherward.

There's Always Wan Encouragin' Thing About Th' Sad Scientific Facts That Come Out Ivrv Week In Th' Pa-apers. They're Usually Not Thrue.

Opportunity Knocks At Every Man's Door Once. On Some Men's Door It Hammers Till It Breaks Down The Door And Then It Goes In And Wakes Him Up If He's Asleep, And Ever Afterward It Works For Him As A Night Watchman.

I Wonder Why You Can Always Read A Doctor's Bill And You Can Never Read His Prescription.

One Of The Strangest Things About Life Is That The Poor, Who Need The Money The Most, Are The Ones That Never Have It.