The Best Thing About A Vacation Is

The Only Thing That Really Bugs Me About Television's Coverage Is Those Damn Women They Have Down On The Sidelines Who Don't Know What The Hell They're Talking About. I Mean, I'm Not A Sexist Person, But A Woman Has No Business Being Down There Trying To Make Some Comment About A Football Game.

The One Affectation I Have Forced On The Publisher... Are My Apostrophe-free Ellisions. Because I Write My Scripts To Read Myself, I Dont Spell 'don't' With An Apostrophe. I Spell It 'dont'. We All Know The Word And It Seems Foolish To Put In An Extraneous Apostrophe. Punctuation Marks Are Devices We Use To Make The Meaning Of Sentences Clear. There Is Nothing Confusing About A Word Like 'dont' Printed Without An Apostrophe To Indicate An Omitted Letter.

I Don't Think The Government Is Out To Get Me Or Help Someone Else Get Me But It Wouldn't Surprise Me If They Were Out To Sell Me Something Or Help Someone Else Sell Me Something. I Mean, Why Else Would The Census Bureau Want To Know My Telephone Number?

Those Of Us Who Don't Have A Party Affiliation Ought To Be Able To Register Under The Heading "confused.

No One Likes The House Next Door To Look Worse Or A Lot Better Than His Own.