The Best Part About Being My Age

Highly Intelligent And Well-informed People Disagree On Every Political Issue. Therefore, Intelligence And Knowledge Are Useless For Making Decisions, Because If Any Of That Stuff Helped, Then All The Smart People Would Have The Same Opinions. So Use Your "gut Instinct" To Make Voting Choices. That Is Exactly Like Being Clueless, But With The Added Advantage That You'll Feel As If Your Random Vote Preserved Democracy.

Life Is Half Delicious Yogurt, Half Crap, And Your Job Is To Keep The Plastic Spoon In The Yogurt.

To Err Is Human. To Cover It Up Is Weasel.

Recently I Quit Caffeine. My Doctor Seems To Think That 17 Diet Cokes Per Day Is Too Much. In Case You Ever Consider Getting Off Caffeine Yourself, Let Me Explain The Process. You Begin By Sitting Motionlessly In A Desk Chair. Then You Just Keep Doing That Forever Because Life Has No Meaning.

The Cheesecake Factory Is A Great Business Model, But If You Take Your Wife There For Your 25th Wedding Anniversary, You Might Not Reach Your 26th.