Best Trumpet: Mike Vax, An Alumnus Of

New Yorkers Are Stuck In A Gloomy Mucilage Of Mutual Commiseration.

Just Two Days In Manhattan And You Find Yourself Looking For A Place To Wash Your Handkerchief After You Wipe Your Forehead And It Comes Away Black. Is There A Dirtier Or More Fascinating City Anywhere In The Land? The Answer To Both Parts Of The Question Has To Be Positively Negative.

The Precise Location Of Heaven On Earth Has Never Been Established But It May Very Well Be Right Here

A Good Column Is One That Sells Paper. It Doesn't Matter How Beautifully It Is Written And How Much You Admire The Author... If It Doesn't Sell Any Papers, It's Not A Good Column. It's A Terrible Yardstick To Use, But In The Newspaper Business, That's The Whole Thing.

Satire Of Satire Tends To Be Self-canceling, And Deliberate Shock Tactics Soon Lose Their Ability To Shock, Especially When They're Too Deliberate.