That Would Have Been A Great Ticket,

Happiness Is Having A Rare Steak, A Bottle Of Whiskey, And A Dog To Eat The Rare Steak.

I'm Not One Of Those Who Spring Up Yelling, "yippee! Another Day!" I'll Grumble And Sulk Around A Couple Of Hours, Reading Newspapers And Trying To Pick Out An Idea I Might Do Something With On The Show. But I Don't Really Start Functioning Until Noon Or Later; Then About Two I Go To The Studio And The Pace Begins To Quicken.

Whatever You Do, You're Going To Be Criticized.

Happiness Is Your Dentist Telling You It Won't Hurt And Then Having Him Catch His Hand In The Drill.

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.