That’s The One Nice Thing About Being

Even In My Revenge Fantasy Where All I Do Is Exercise, I Can Still Do Only Twenty-five Pull-ups. Pull-ups Are Tough, No Joke.

I Guess Nothing Puts A Damper On A One-night Stand As Much As Your Friend Pointing Out All The Opportunities Where You Might Have Been Killed.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.