Thanks So Much, Everybody, For Making Gay

Shame Weighs A Lot More Than Flesh And Bone.

I Finally Understood That By Being On A Perpetual Diet, I Had Practiced A "disordered" Form Of Eating My Whole Life. I Restricted When I Was Hungry And In Need Of Nutrition And Binged When I Was So Grotesquely Full I Couldn't Be Comfortable In Any Position By Lying Down. Diets That Tell People What To Eat Or When To Eat Are The Practices Inbetween. And Dieting, I Discovered, Was Another Form Of Disordered Eating, Just As Anorexia And Bulimia Similarly Disrupt The Natural Order Of Eating.

I Thought That If I Accomplished Enough, That Somehow I Would Be Let Off The Hook In The Future. Like I Didn’t Have To Keep Striving And Achieving Because I Had Done That Already, And It Would Add Up To Being Enough.

I Have A Very, Very Healthy Relationship With Food In That I Eat Whatever I Want, Whenever I Want. I Never Restrict Quantities Or Types Of Food.

I Knew That I Was Gay, I Knew It. I Just Couldn't See Myself As A Gay Woman, Even Though That's Where My Heart Was.