Sticking To My Schedule, Ive Gotten Over

My Wife Staci Made Me Go To A Wedding Last Weekend...if It Weren’t For Her, I’d Be Happy.

If A Restaurant Offers Crayons, I Always Take Them And Color Throughout The Meal. It Beats Talking To The People I Came To Dinner With.

It's Best To Love Your Family As You Would A Siberian Tiger-from A Distance, Preferably Separated By Bars.

If You're From A Certain Generation, You Basically Learn To Read With 'peanuts.' It's Sort Of The Template For The Modern Strip. Its Influence Ceased To Be Noticed Because It's In Everything.

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.