Sometimes Its Nice When People You Love

If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's Going In The Garbage.... No, Don't Get Creative. Now Is Not A Creative Time. Now Is A Bourbon And Sweatpants Time.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick Your Furniture Like You Pick A Wife; It Should Make You Feel Comfortable And Look Nice, But Not So Nice That If Someone Walks Past It They Want To Steal It.

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

I Almost Feel Like I'm Unoffendable Now. I Can Roll With Whatever.

The Baby Will Talk When He Talks, Relax. It Ain't Like He Knows The Cure For Cancer And Just Ain't Spitting It Out.