I Almost Feel Like I'm Unoffendable Now.

There Is No Definitive Guidebook On How To Pick The Right Partner, And Even If There Were, I'm Way Too Dumb To Write It.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

You Go Ahead. I'd Rather Not Be Shot Out Of A Tube Into A Pool Filled With A Bunch Of Nine-year-olds' Urine.

If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's Going In The Garbage.... No, Don't Get Creative. Now Is Not A Creative Time. Now Is A Bourbon And Sweatpants Time.

What Im Trying To Say Is That What Makes You Up, Its Always Been Around, And It Always Will Be Around. So Really The Only Thing You Should Worry About Is The Part You're At Right Now. Where You Got A Body And A Head And All That Bullshit. Just Worry About Living, Dying Is The Easy Part.