Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

All Babies Look Like Renée Zellweger Pushed Against A Glass Window.

No More Botox For Me. Betty White's Bowels Move More Than My Face.

Life Is A Movie, And You're The Star. Give It A Happy Ending.

The Last Time I Saw A Blonde With Red Streaks In Her Hair She Was Laying On Oscar Pistorius' Bathroom Floor.

Russell Brand Has Announced That He Plans To Write A Series Of Children's Books. First Up: 'horton Hears A Heroin Dealer.'