Ronald Reagan Just Signed The New Tax

Never Ask Your Wife If She Still Hears From Her Old Pimp.

I Would Like To Say, For The Record, That I Am In Favor Of Using More American Indians And Other Minorities In Motion Pictures, I Am Against Polluting The Oceans Of The World, I Am For Every Nationality Having Its Own Homeland, I Am Against Whacking Baby Seals On The Head, And I Am For Saving The Whales.

I Get Sick Of That Old Rationalization, "we're Staying Together Because Of The Children." Kids Couldn't Be More Miserable Living With Parents Who Can't Stand Each Other. They're Far Better Off If There's An Honest, Clean Divorce.

Thanksgiving Is An Emotional Holiday. People Travel Thousands Of Miles To Be With People They Only See Once A Year. And Then Discover Once A Year Is Way Too Often.

Last Night, It Was So Cold, The Flashers In New York Were Only Describing Themselves.