Remember When We Used To Worry About

Marriage Is Grand. Divorce Is About Twenty Grand.

As You Know, There Were Lots Of Huge Marches Around The Country Yesterday To Protest The Immigration Laws. The Marches Had Quite An Impact On Businesses. Restaurants Had To Close, Construction Sites Had To Shut Down, The Yankees Had To Forfeit A Game. ... Do You Realize That Americans Are Now Doing The Jobs That Immigrants Won't Do Because They're Out Protesting?

My Favorite Halloween Candy Is The Candy Corn. It Comes In Four Colors: White, Yellow, Orange, Brown. Those Are Also The Stages Of Your Teeth Rotting After You Eat It.

John Kerry Accused President Bush Of Catering To The Rich. You Know, As Opposed To John Kerry Who Just Marries Them.

I Guess We Didn't Even Officially Apologize. Jesse Jackson Called On The United States To Officially Apologize To The Chinese. Jesse Said, 'an Apology Is Not A Sign Of Weakness.' And As President Clinton Has Taught Us, An Apology Isn't Even A Sign You're Sorry.