Rejection Kills, Disappointment Only Maims.

I Would Never Join The Tea Partiers, Because I Don't Have A Problem With The Color Of Obama's Skin. I Don't Have A Problem With Immigrants. You Know What I Mean? I Do Have Genuine Problems With Policy And Government Corruption. Sure I Do. And I Speak Very Candidly About That, Regardless Of Who's In Office. But Since The Tea Partiers Are Ridiculous, Why Would I Urge Anyone To Participate With Them?

No No No! Don't Clap! No No No, You Make Me Seem Like I'm Like A Prophet Or Something And I'm So Not!

I'm Not Religious Anymore, But I Think It's Like Papal Infallibility, Which Is A Ridiculous Man-made Tenet, Like What I Believe Most Religious Tenets To Be, Are Man-made After The Fact.

Last Night, I Went To A Birthday Party, And This Girl Brought A Cake And A Cheesecake. And The Other Girls That Lived In The Apartment, I Swear To God, All Night Long: 'you're Taking That Cake With You When You Go. That Cake's Not Staying In This House.' Like It's This Evil, Hope Diamond, Nuclear, Horrifying Cursed Thing.

My Hell Is Going To Be The Stairmaster Wing Of Dante's Inferno, Where They're Gonna Tape My Feet To The Pedals And The Only Music I Get Is Michael Bolton Karaoke Style.