Reading Alan Zweibel Makes Me Laugh Out

I Won't Read Scripts Because I Have A Limited Amount Of Time. Why Should I Help Other People Do Lame Stuff When I Can Just Go Out And Put On Lame Stuff Of My Own?

I Think You Often Learn From Failure. Success Just Teaches You How Great You Were, But In Fact It's Knowing What Will Fail That Will Help You To Make The Right Choices.

I Pay Taxes In Three Countries, But Can't Vote In Any Of Them.

I'm Not Careful With My Money At All These Days. I Buy People A Lot Of Dinners!

I Got Locked Into A Tradition [at Cambridge] Of Doing Comedy.