President Obama Had Beer With Four Unemployed

There's Always Going To Be Someone Out There... Who Doesn't Believe In You Or Who Thinks Your Head Is Too Big Or You're Not Smart Enough. But Those Are The People You Need To Ignore, And Those Are The Times You Need To Just Keep Doing What You Love Doing.

The White House Announced That President Obama Will Attend A Summit In Kenya This July. When Asked If He's Ever Been To Kenya, Obama Said, 'of Course. I Was Born - No, Bored - Over There. There's Nothing To Do In Kenya.'

After Months Of Negotiations, Iran Has Finally Agreed To Reduce Its Nuclear Weapons Program. Which Was Great Until Putin Showed Up And Said, 'hi, I'm Here About Craigslist Ad For Nukes.'

Newt Gingrich Plans To Announce His Campaign For President This Wednesday. I Don’t Know About His Chances. I Mean, I’m Not Saying Gingrich Peaked In The ‘90s, But His Campaign Is Being Sponsored By Tamagotchis And Crystal Pepsi.

A New Poll Found That Almost 70 Percent Of Voters Say That Whoever Our Next President Is, They Must Have Political Experience. You Know, Because It Would Be Rude To Say 'anyone But Donald Trump.'