President Bush Says He Needs A Month

Over In Afghanistan, Osama Stuck His Head Out Of The Cave And Saw A Shadow. So, That Means Six More Weeks Of Bombing.

There's A Rumor That President George Bush Had A Nose Job, That He Had Some Kind Of Plastic Surgery, That He Actually Had A Nose Job. If This Is True, That's The First New Job He's Created Since Taking Office.

I Think I Might Have A Bad Psychic Advisor. When I Asked Her To Contact The Dead, She Gave Me Keith Richards' Phone Number.

The Academy Awards Are Passed Out On Sunday. It's Voted By Members Of The Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts And Sciences. Or As I Call Them, 50 Shades Of White.

Well, We're Just A Couple Of Weeks From New President Barack Obama Being Sworn In. And He's Been Very Busy Naming A Lot Of Cabinet Positions. And Today He Announced That He Wants The Surgeon General To Be Tv Dr. Sanjay Gupta. That Was The Kid On 'american Idol,' Wasn't It?