Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio

I'm Sad For Adults Who Want To Be Children. And Children Who Want To Be Adults.

I Don't Understand Why It Has To Be Either - Or - Either Socialism Or Democracy. Why Can't We Combine Things To Get The Best Of Each System?

I Know It Sounds Odd, But I Want To Make A Rolex-quality Screwdriver.

Men Are Liars. We'll Lie About Lying If We Have To. I'm An Algebra Liar. I Figure Two Good Lies Make A Positive.

I Think There's A Percentage [of The Audience] That Don't Realize, That Don't Know That [standup] Is How Everything Began. We Planned It, We Work Hard, Rehearsals To Get This. It's More Of A ... It's Not Just Coming In There In A T-shirt And Holding A Microphone.