Parades Are Man's Attempt To Make Traffic

A Sports Bar Is A Way To Take A Bar And Fill It With Even More Annoying People Than Usual.

If You Want To Dry Hump Someone You Don't Know, Just Act Like They Were Choking.

You Never Forget Your First Kiss. And That's What Makes It So Hard To Forgive My Uncle.

But Long Story Short, I Didn't Start Doing Stand-up Because I Wanted To Have A Tv Show Or Be An Actor Or Even Wanted To Write Sketch Comedy. I Got Into Stand-up Because I Love Stand-up.

Whenever I Try To Spell 'banana,' I Feel Stupid Because I Don't Know When To End It.