Pain Only Hurts When You Are Looking

My Nickname For My Mom Was 'the Compass.'

When Someone's Running Late Through An Airport, I Hope They Miss Their Flight So They Can Meet The Love Of Their Life At The Duty Free Shop.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

Some Girls Look Beautiful With No Makeup On At All. I Call Them Lazy. Now Go Throw Some War Paint On You Bleak Empty Canvas You.

I'm Fine, I Am Just Going To Go Over Here And Puke Shards Of My Own Pelvis Into This Bush.