Only Lie About The Future.

How Much Of The National News That You Report To The Public Each Night Consists Of Information You've Actually Gone Out And Dug Up On Your Own?

In 1932, Lame Duck President Herbert Hoover Was So Desperate To Remain In The White House That He Dressed Up As Eleanor Roosevelt. When Fdr Discovered The Hoax In 1936, The Two Men Decided To Stay Together For The Sake Of The Children.

Nbc's A Little Jealous Of Cnn Correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They Want To Get A Reporter With A Macho-sounding Name Too, So They're Changing Irving R. Levine's Name To Scud Shrapnel.

I Know A Man Who Gave Up Smoking, Drinking, Sex, And Rich Food. He Was Healthy Right Up To The Day He Killed Himself.

Never Use A Big Word When A Little Filthy One Will Do.