On Some Level Any Appearance On Television

I'm Not For Everyone. I'm Barely For Me.

My Monologues Aren't Always Funny. They're Generally Thoughtful. Sometimes At Different Levels Of Aggravation. And Sometimes No Aggravation. But The Pressure On Me Is Not To Be Joke-efficient When I'm Talking On This Mic. And That Sets The Tone.

How Complicated Can Ice Cream Flavors Be? How Much Can You Put In There? I Mean, When The Flavor's Something Like Banana Ice Cream With Caramel, Fudge Chunks, Cheddar Goldfish And Pennies - You've Got To Draw A Line There.

It Amazes Me That We Are All On Twitter And Facebook. By "we" I Mean Adults. We're Adults, Right? But Emotionally We're A Culture Of Seven-year-olds. Have You Ever Had That Moment When Are You Updating Your Status And You Realize That Every Status Update Is Just A Variation On A Single Request: "would Someone Please Acknowledge Me?

Everyone Is A Little Bitter. We're Born Bitter. The Personality Itself Is Really Just A Very Complex Defense Mechanism. A Reaction To The First Time Someone Said, "no You Can't.