Of All The Ways People Save Time,

I Don't Ever Want To Have Kids Of My Own. But I Do Want A Lot Of Kids.

Amy [schumer] And I Each Have Our Cross To Bear When It Comes To Tattoos. Amy And I Are Funny When We Fight. It Just Keeps Escalating Until One Of Us Starts Laughing. Then It's Over. I'm Happy That We're Friends.

Every Year I Volunteer At A Hospital On Thanksgiving, Deep-frying Turkeys In The Children's Burn Unit. I Do It Just To See The Looks On Their Little "faces."

I've Spent The Past Two Years Looking For My Ex-girlfriend’s Killer… But No One Will Do It.

I've Got A Kid In Africa That I Feed, That I Clothe, That I School, That I Inoculate For 75 Cents A Day. Which Is Practically Nothing Compared To What It Cost To Send Him There.