Nobody Really Wants To Be A Stand-up,

Most Parts In Comedy, They're Not Really Written For Men. They're Written For, Like, These Boy-men.

If You Want To Prevent Abortions, You Make Sure Everyone Has Health Care, A High School Education And Birth Control. Not The Exact Opposite.

I See Guys Who Can't Make 10 Percent Of What I Make, And Yet They Have Four Bentleys, Three Houses, And Four Bodyguards.

Why Do People Do Yoga? To Clear Their Minds? I Embrace The Clutter In My Head.

People Are The Same Wherever You Go. And If They Weren't, They Wouldn't Laugh At The Same S**t.