No Matter How Much You Screw Up

I've Never Had A Yard Sale, Ever, In My Life. I Don't Know If I Ever Thought About Stuff I Would Get Rid Of.

I Love Watching People Be Totally Committed In A Very Real Way To Stupid Situations. I Find It's Not So Much Trying To Be Funny, It's Trying To Be Real In A Messed Up Context. That's Comedy To Me.

We All Know The Moon Isn't Made Out Of Green Cheese...but If It Was Made Out Of Barbeque Spare Ribs Would You Eat It?

One Of The Challenges You Will Face Is Finding A Job In Our Depressed Economy, ... In Fact, The Chances Of Finding A Job Are About As Good As Finding Weapons Of Mass Destruction In The Iraqi Desert -- Slim And None, And Slim Just Left The Building.

I Always Just Forced Myself To Do Crazy Things In Public. In College I Would Push An Overhead Projector Across Campus With My Pants Just Low Enough To Show My Butt. Then My Friend Would Incite The Crowd To Be Like, 'look At That Idiot!' That's How I Got Over Being Shy.