My Wife Said To Me: 'if You

Doctor Told Me I've Got Two Weeks To Live. I Said: "can I Have The Last Week In July And The 1st Week In August?"

A Man Walks Into A Hospital Feeling Unwell And The Doctor Says: "sorry, You've Only Got Three Minutes To Live." The Man Said: "can You Do Something For Me?" "yes," He Said. "i'll Boil You An Egg."

A Man Turns To The Guy Next To Him Who's Covered In Bandages From Head To Toe And Asks "what Happened?". "i Fell Through A Glass Window," Explains The Man. The First Man Says: "lucky You Were Wearing All Those Bandages."

I Have A Pacemaker In, But It Doesn't Work Very Well, Because Every Time I Fart The Garage Door Opens.

Men Only Go For Skinny Women Because They're Too Weak To Argue - And Salads Are Cheap.