My Wife Loves Europe, But To Me

Martha Stewart Is Now Under House Arrest. So She'll Go To Her $40 Million 153-acre Estate. So She's Going From The Big House To An Even Bigger House.

Italian Authorities Seized $6 Trillion Worth Of Fake, Worthless U.s. Treasury Bonds. Pretty Good Counterfeit Job, Too. They Look Just Like The Genuine, Worthless Treasury Bonds.

A Lot Of American Companies Are Now Moving Into Iraq. Iraq Now Has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell And Popeye's Fried Chicken. So, Great, Instead Of Oil For Food, We're Giving Them Oil In Food.

Women Get A Little More Excited About New Year's Eve Than Men Do. It's Like An Excuse: You Drink Too Much, You Make A Lot Of Promises You're Not Going To Keep; The Next Morning As Soon As You Wake Up You Start Breaking Them. For Men, We Just Call That A Date.

Bush Is Smart. I Don't Think That Bush Will Ever Be Impeached, 'cause Unlike Clinton, Reagan, Or Even His Father, George W. Is Immune From Scandal. Because, If George W. Testifies That He Had No Idea What Was Going On, Wouldn't You Believe Him?