My Uncles, Who Are Farmers In Minooka,

When I Hear Young People Today Complain About Being Bored - And The Things That Keep Them From Being Bored Are Generally Exclusively Videogames And/or Computer Pastimes - I Just Try To Encourage Them To Go Outside.

I Awaken. I Consume Oxygen, Then Bacon, Eggs And Black Coffee, Then My Wife, Then Bacon.

If You Want To Be Happy In Life, Consider Yourself A Student. Every Day Of Your Life, Think: How Can I Improve?

I Learned In My Early Years In The Theater That I Would Never Become The Guy On Top. I'll Never Create A Show; I Don't Have A Brain Expansive Enough To See The Whole Picture, In A Way That Would Behoove Anyone.

Really, All Religious Teachings Can Be Boiled Down To: “just Be Cool. Don’t Be An Asshole.