My Stockbroker Asked Me Something Important Today:

So, The Phoenix Suns Are Wearing Jerseys Written In Spanish, Made In China, Modeled After Their Best Player, Canadian Steve Nash. There You Go. That Is America.

Authorities In New York City Have Foiled A Plot By Terrorists To Blow Up The Holland Tunnel. There Was One Awkward Moment When Officials Informed President Bush The Holland Tunnel Was Safe. Bush Then Thanked The Dutch Authorities For All Their Help.

When Did The Government Become Our Psycho Ex-girlfriend

Astronomers Have Discovered A Planet That Is Twice The Size Of Earth And Made Of Diamonds. President Obama Says The Planet May Be Inhabited By Aliens Not Paying Their Fair Share.

Scientists In Australia Are Working On Making Biodegradable Car Parts Out Of Hemp. This Might Get Confusing. When Someone Says, Roll Up The Window, They Might Mean, Roll Up The Window!