Did You Hear That We're Writing Iraq's

The Bush Administration Said Today There Is A Lot Of Support For Us To Attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, They're All Lining Up.

Well, President-elect Barack Obama And His Family Are Gonna Spend The Holidays In His Home State Of Hawaii. And You Know Who Couldn't Be More Thrilled With This? The Press, The Reporters Who Follow The President. Well, Think About It. After Eight Years Of Spending Every Holiday Cutting Brush In Crawford, Texas, They Get To Go To Hawaii!

Denmark Is Charging A Fat Food Tax On Cheese, Meat, And Oil. Here, We Call That The Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast.

An Evangelical Minister Has Had To Resign After Pictures Surfaced Showing Him In A Hot Tub With Two Women. He Claimed It Was Just A Baptism Gone Terribly Wrong.

Attorney General John Ashcroft Said There Is A New Credible Terrorist Threat. He Said Everything Is Under Control; Not To Panic. And Then He Went Back To His Harmonically Sealed Bunker.