My Mom Said The Only Reason Men

Speeding Is Like Drugs. It Makes Everything Come At You Fast, And When You Go Back To Normal Driving, Safe Driving, Prudent Driving, It Seems Boring. That's The Danger Of Drugs. At First It's Intoxicating, But Then The Rest Of Your Life You're Trying To Find That Very First Time. It Never Is The Same.

Now The Denominator ... Why Don't They Just Call It The Bottom Number? The Denominator ... That Sounds Like A Schwarzenegger Movie Doesn't It? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I Am The Denominator. I'll Give Your Leg A Compound Fraction!

While Awaiting Sentencing, I Decided To Give Stand-up Comedy A Shot. The Judge Had Suggested I Get My Act Together, And I Took Him Seriously.

I Used To Live An Isolated Existence, Even In Relationships, But Now My Family Knows Me For Who I Really Am. Mostly, That's A Good Thing.

Men Are Liars. We'll Lie About Lying If We Have To. I'm An Algebra Liar. I Figure Two Good Lies Make A Positive.