My Cranky Cardiologist Says I'm Destined To

I Moved From Cleveland To L.a. With A Girlfriend, We Broke Up, And I Lived Out Of My Car For A Year And A Half, On The Road With Nothing On My Mind But Getting My Act Good Enough To Be On 'the Tonight Show.'

I Was Just Sick Of Being Fat, You Know? You Get Sick Of It. It Just Really, It's A Tiring Lifestyle To Have.

Oh, You Hate Your Job? Why Didn't You Say So? There's A Support Group For That. It's Called Everybody, And They Meet At The Bar.

I Looked At Game Show Hosting As The Bottom Of The Totem Pole, One Step Away From Infomercials. I Never Watched Them Myself. However, It's Been A Lot Of Fun.

I Learned How To Believe In Myself. Learned How To Set Goals, You Know, Self Help Books Man. I Just Read Every Single One I Can Get A Hold Of, And I Still Do.