Meryl Streep Is On The Program Tonight.

During The Debate, Palin Winked, Wrinkled Her Nose, And Gave A Shout-out To A Third-grade Class. Well, You Know, That Says Commander-in-chief To Me Right There. You Betcha!

Mitt Romney, Two-time Republican Presidential Candidate, Is Going To Fight Evander Holyfield For Charity. I Hope They Save Some Of That Money For Funeral Expenses.

To Save Energy, New York City Is Now Dimming The Lights Of The Skyscrapers And The Skyline At Night. There's A Bad Side To This. If You Need Batman, You Have To Text Him.

Child Labor, Not A Problem. Censorship, Not A Problem. Torture, Not A Problem. Chewing Gum In China - Oh, My God! You Better Not Be Over Here Chewing Gum.

Osama Bin Laden... Lived In One House For, Like, Six Years With Three Wives. And Earlier Today, They Ruled His Death Was A Suicide.